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Living with Fear
How to Trust Your Feelings When They Haven’t Served You
The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear — HP Lovecraft
My earliest memories are of being afraid. Hiding behind my father’s legs as strangers tried to say hello. Being scared to put my hand up in class. Worrying that my parents would yell at me. Sometimes it felt like they yelled a lot.
It’s not even that my childhood was particularly bad, but I was sensitive. It’s a cliche, but I vaguely remember being more pure as a child. I remember once seeing a little girl lost in the shopping mall, and I remember crying and crying for her. I empathized effortlessly. To my 5 year old brain, that was the worst feeling there was. Being lost.
But of course, by then I was stuck with my brain.
Over time I developed ways to cope with my fear and my sensitivity. I detached. High school was a blur of staying up too late and sleepwalking through hallways. In university I moved away from home and slowly found some confidence, some control of my life. But of course, by then I was stuck with…
