My Brain’s Morning Routine

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

You really mean to tell me that
All of this came from a bang
That spewed atoms, molecules
Matter and energy
Into a black void
Where it coalesced into suns
Planets
And this one was called Earth
And this planet had water
And carbon
Which could combine in different ways
And in some counter-intuitive entropic fashion led to life
Led to proteins and bacteria and amoebas
That became me
After millions of years?

You mean to tell me that
I evolved into this modern primate body
That competition between and within my species
Led to these cells, which even now are decaying
That led to this mind that can form words
That can almost understand what you’re saying
That can cooperate with other monkey minds
And that monkey hands built roads and houses and societies and economies
That monkey brains could master the mathematics of internal combustion
And atomic fission
And exploding stars
And that all this has led here?
To this sorry state of affairs

You know, I’m getting the feel of this body of mine
The fibers of muscles in my limbs, their twitches
I can almost look into this mind
Can imagine the carbon, the oxygen, all the atoms like you’re saying
I can see them
Dancing quantum clouds
The electrical signals
Coursing through my neurons
Little stars

Really, I can’t believe you want me to believe all this
That all this is supposed to make any kind of goddamn sense
That all of the layers of matter and energy and life and ideas and time
Time beyond reason
Has led to me
Here

And I’m supposed to be awed by that?
The idea that I’m rocketing through space
On a blue orb
Surrounded by light years of unbreathable darkness
Of nothingness in 3 dimensions
What, Maybe more!?
And I’m supposed to be *OK* with that
With my dying brainbody
And my dying planet
And its dying sun
All inside this mysterious universe
Within universes
Within God knows what else

Um, Thanks but no thanks
I’m going back to bed

Written by

Engineer in San Francisco. Interested in words, networks, and human abstractions. Opinions expressed are solely my own.

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